OF Snow and Visions
by Andrina Sparda
Summary: The numerous deaths have affected Jack in ways he had just begun to realize. When Jack leaves earth, he finds himself even more lost and broken. Even through such barriers can Ianto still save him? Takes place after COE Warning, slash, J/I.
1. Chapter 1

**Of Snow and Visions**

Jack sat on the snow, over looking the grand scene before him. To most people the mountain top view would have been magnanimous and breathtaking. The brightness and clarity seemed to shine from every point. Jack figured it was Christmas or near it anyway. He remembered spending last Christmas in Ianto's apartment, laughing hysterically at their gaudy Christmas tree and crying from the sadness of what they had lost that year over eggnog. Jack almost smiled as he thought about how they made love by a fake fire place Ianto had bought just for that night. It was the first Christmas in a long time he hadn't been alone.

He took a deep breath as he attempted to see what was in front of him instead of the past or the future. His coat was soaked through but he didn't care, he couldn't bring him self to care about anything anymore.

The one person who had showed him how to truly love and care even through the pain and endlessness was taken from him. He laid back with his arms spread out; the white snow covering his hair. There were no more tears, now it was just an agony that he could do nothing about. He knew that it was his own emptiness that he was running from not the world, but he would rather blame it than cry any more. He closed his eyes and decided that he hadn't died of hypothermia in a long time, it was peaceful and numbing.

"Jack, you hate the cold, why are you here?"

With a gasp Jack looked up and saw Ianto, his aura shining as bright as the sun. The tall man's dark hair and suit came into sight as Jack sat up. The immortal couldn't answer, what could he say? He just wanted to drink in the lovely sight.

"You asked me not to leave you remember? I couldn't keep that promise in that world. But here I will always be there to bring you back into the light," Ianto told him and leaned down giving him a gentle kiss. Jack kissed him back softly putting a hand on the man's cheek, it was cold, like their surrounding.

"Don't make me go back, not without you." Jack pleaded finding more tears after all, his chest heaving from the sobs.

Ianto shook his head, his dark blue eyes were sad with regret. "I can't save you from your fate, I'm sorry, I love you," the man replied the numbness of death was fading and the world around them was bleeding like an overheated oil painting. Jack couldn't see Ianto anymore he reached for him but only felt cold emptiness.

"Please don't leave! I love you too. I can say it now, What am I to do now without you?!" Jack begged his arms still reaching for his lover, his voice was weakened by his sobs.

With a sharp gasp that was clouded by white fog, Jack awakened from death. His face was stained with his tears. He stood up and began to walk again. He knew he had to leave this dying planet then, what he longed for and needed wasn't here anymore. He had missed his chance, taken it for granted as Jack tended to do with everything in his life. A side affect of immortality and having seen too much. Now what he had seen was in his own soul and it broke him.


	2. Chapter 2

_**Of Snow and Visions **_

**Chapter Two**

_I want you to save me, I must get to where you are. _

_You took my soul with you and then went out too far. _

As Jack looked around him with his hands in his trench coat pocket, he realized that the ship he had hitchhiked on to was new, and military. Judging by the colors and design, they weren't an artistic race. The man's light blue eyes didn't linger and showed no real interest other than processing the information for later. The pipes were dripping with precipitation and smelled more like a swamp than an engine room. Without wasting time Jack made his way to see his chauffer for his escape or running away, he didn't really care which. Gwen wasn't there this time to guilt him in to trying to feel something that he didn't. As Jack made his way out of the horrid smelling engine room and into the tiny corridors he realized that somewhere through all that's happened, he didn't feel human anymore. He now appreciated how his doctor must have felt.

He took his time navigating his way to the control room. He opened the hatch and walked inside, ducking low pipes that were also wet and seemed to come alive. Jack wondered why they couldn't build ships that didn't have things that you could bang your head on every time you turned around.

"Ah Jack there you are, you took your time," boomed a big bass voice from the cock pit. Jack had forgotten how intimidating Harris could be. He dated him once, or shared his bed for a while too either of the two men there was little difference. The immortal realized that besides a few strands of grey hair, the man had hardly aged at all, as was expected from a long lived humanoid race. He was still the tall, dirty blonde and brown-eyed beauty that Jack had liquored up all those years ago. There was a long thick scar underneath the man's left eye from a bar brawl that Jack had actually been involved with along side him. He had even helped perpetuate a more glamorous story about how the man got the scar, involving everything from rescuing orphans to saving an entire planet. The two did have a good time together, way too good many would say and have told them.

Jack had left Harris when he found himself the submissive way too often for his liking. There were certain things that the immortal could handle only so much of, and being dominated was one of them. Jack couldn't deny that he enjoyed it; not by a long shot. This was probably what disturbed him about the whole thing the most.

He grinned slightly as he thought about what Ianto would say if he knew that Captain Jack Harkness had found someone that he wasn't sexually compatible with. The immortal then remembered that he couldn't tell Ianto, there would be no snarky comment for him to cut off with a kiss that wouldn't be resisted. Jack wouldn't get to see the jealous flare in the young beautiful mans eyes, not anymore. Jack wasn't masochistic enough yet to let himself go any further into those thoughts so he brought his attention back to the present.

"Yeah, I usually do," Jack replied with a half hearted grin; the usual light that shined through Jack's infectious smile seemed dim and eclipsed. It was as if his soul that was once a roaring fire was now no more than left over embers. Harris looked at Jack his face scrunched up and his eyebrows rose as he looked his former lover up and down.

"What's happened to you? You better tell me or I will blow you out the nearest air lock as an imposter." The man bellowed with his own twisted show of concern. Jack was quite use to this, many of his lovers weren't the type to show what they truly felt very easily. Silence filled the cock pit. Jack wasn't ready to talk about Steven and Ianto, or the others that he had gotten killed. And right now, was not inclined to have a heart to heart with Harris.

With a loud Huff Harris grabbed a bag full of tools and threw them into Jacks arms. "Fine then, keep it to your self. Just don't come crawling in to my bed for solace my blue-eyed hustler. That bridge has not only been burnt but washed away by the river below." Harris informed with a laugh that filled the room like an amplifier set to high.

"The thought never even crossed my mind Harris, believe me," Jack replied resisting the urge to roll his eyes in a very Ianto like fashion. Jack thought it was slightly weird how much of the Welshman's mannerisms he remembered and found himself immolating at times. Harris stopped laughing and sighed; a serious look setting upon his face.

"Ok now I know you're not Jack. But I still need those enhancements that you promised if were going to make it to Mesyia, so go get to it," Harris replied dismissively with a wave of his hand that wasn't piloting the ship. Jack quietly and carefully left the cock-pit; still ducking the damned pipes with an annoyed grunt. He traveled back down the corridors with the tools in his arms with purposeful movements. He still felt very alone, but at least now he had numbing work to do and Captain Jack Harkness always functioned better that way.

* * *

It was several weeks before they reached Mesyia, a planet at war with pretty much every other planet nearby. Jack looked at the computer readings for the planet and their point in time as they landed to get a better feel for his new home. It was a planet not very much unlike earth except with less water and larger stretches of continents. The weather tended to be dryer and there were no tropical areas but there weren't any deserts either. Jack thought that the planet seemed to have a sort of eerie balance to it that felt unnatural somehow.

When the ship was finally still Harris came out of the cock-pit and slapped Jack on the arm. "Here we are, just as I promised. Are you sure about this? It won't be easy to leave here once I drop my cargo and set off again," he told Jack as they made there way to the ships main hatch. "I'm touched by your concern Harris, really." Jack said flatly and then walked on leaving a baffled Harris watching. He was never going to see the overbearing and handsome man again more than likely. The immortal didn't even turn around to say goodbye.

Jack wandered for a few days looking for something to do in the vast ugly city made for war times. He had been right to say that they weren't an artist race. All their buildings were built like large metal bunkers or were underground. He soon found work as what the Mesyian's call a "watchdog' at least that was the closest translation Jack could get in English from the translator he had attached in his ear. It was a group of people that were in a militia that went in before the main troops to set up perimeters and clear the area. It was a position that was usually given to criminals or deserters as punishment. When asked if he was sure if he wanted to join since most didn't survive their first mission; Jack just grinned and winked at the old man. He then took his papers to show his commanding officer.

* * *

A guard walked into the morgue and pulled the sheet over Jack's white and lifeless face. "Why do they even bother bringing him here? Do they think I got nothing better to do?" The balding thin and pasty man muttered. He looked at the clock and then back over to Jack's body. He counted under his breath and as expected Jack gasped and then rose up from the table grabbing his Jacket that was left beside him as he did so. "You're insane to keep doing this!" he called after Jack as he was leaving. Jack raised his middle finger at the man and the let door shut behind him.

As Jack left he thought about that maybe the man was right, but it was worth it. The first mission happened just as he expected. The place they were securing was shot to pieces by an air raid. Jack's lips rose to a smile as he felt the hot lasers hit his flesh. He continued to smile as he saw Ianto again, his bright face shining as before. He stayed a little longer this time, the kiss less rushed before he was dragged back into life. They didn't speak, there was no need to. After the first few times Ianto began to ask Jack again, "Why are you here?" Jack would never answer only hold the man for the short time they had left. As his skills and experience grew over the months that eventually turned into years, Jack saw Ianto less but it was his life now, to kill and die for those brief moments.

* * *

Jack opened his eyes, and wished he hadn't. He had a hangover from the deepest pits of hell. It was times like these he was tempted to pull out his gun shoot himself. When he came back at least the pain would be gone. His hand shifted and he realized that he wasn't alone in the bed, which shouldn't have surprised him since the smell of sex and musk was heavy in the small quarters. He foggily tried to remember the man's name. He had to run through a list in his head to find the name of the man who had his legs wrapped securely around his. Jack finally came up with the right one, Darton. He remembered now, this was the third time he had brought the man back to his quarters, they served in the same outfit together and it was obvious the man fancied Jack right away. He was tall and had dark hair. For Jack that was all he needed, to pretend. Darton began to stir too and Jack quickly sat up now that he wouldn't wake the man.

"Wait," the dark haired man said wrapping is arms around Jack's toned waist.

Jack felt a surge of nausea begin to creep up as he felt Darton's hands on his skin. He cursed himself mentally for being a whore as well as a slave to his own dick, which get him into these situations in the first place.

"Are you in such a rush to go back out there and die again?" he continued when Jack stopped but didn't say anything. "Darton-"Jack began but was cut off by the man putting his fingers on his lips. "Jack, I know I won't see you again so just let me say this ok? You don't belong here. I knew that from the moment I saw you. You're beautiful Jack and I just wanted a taste of what that was like before I get killed out there. Whatever it is your punishing yourself for, let it go and get out while you still have some of that beauty within you. This place is sucking it out like poison." He stopped and took a breath and then let his arms fall from Jacks waist to free him. "Whoever Ianto was, he was a lucky man. Even after all this time it is his name that's on your lips," he added blushing slightly. Jack looked up at him; too surprised to feel ashamed for calling the man the wrong name during sex. Darton grabbed his pants and then slipped out the door without another word.

* * *

Jack opened his eyes; the smile that had formed on his lips fell immediately. The severe and piercing look of disappointment on Ianto's face shocked him more than the ambush that landed him here to begin with. The Welshman walked up to Jack and smacked him hard across the face. Jack's eyes showed the question he was too stunned to voice.

"Is this how you treat my memory, and Steven's? Using it as an excuse to fuck yourself up. I put up with it long enough Jack." He explained, not coming any closer.

"Ianto-"

"No! You're going to force me to do something that will hurt us both. Please don't let it come to that," Ianto pleaded his eyes softening slightly. Jack looked down as tears filled his eyes.

"It's only to get here, there is nothing for me anywhere else." He admitted with hurt and shame in his voice. Ianto sighed and walked over and gave him a light kiss where he had slapped him.

"I know Jack, and that scares me," The Welshman whispered in his ear before fading with the imaginary world around him.

Jack awoke in the morgue again, not sure what to think or feel now. He had dealt with Ianto's anger before, but not like this. That didn't change the fact that Jack knew Ianto was right, but he didn't know if he could stop. He had tried once to not go out there. It ended with Jack screaming to be let on the moving transport and banging on its door until it stopped and let him on.

"Shit," Jack muttered putting his fingers through his hair, as he realized that he had become addicted; to death no less. Which Jack found almost funny since death was the very thing that didn't want him. Jack got up, and was relieved that the man usually there to keep the doors open for him had abandoned his post. Instead, deciding to just leave a key next to Jack so that he could lock up.

A/N- Just to let people know there will be another chapter and possibly more, you don't think I would leave Jack like this do you? ;D


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